Protesting Protesters

There are a lot of protesting protesters these days. It seems that protesting has become the thing to do again. Protesting is more popular today than it has been since the late 1960’s and early 70’s. In college campuses, the streets outside government buildings and in town halls, large cities and small communities have experienced Americans of all walks of life protesting and demonstrating against issues real, and, at times, imagined.

“We’re protesting because we don’t like what’s going on!” said one protester who was protesting at a protest. “There are so many injustices that there are almost too many to count!” exclaimed another protester at one other protest. “The only way that someone can get their voice heard is through demonstration, picketing and protesting!” yet another protester proclaimed at yet another protest.

There is another side to all the protesting.

“We’re here to exercise our right to protest all the protesters who are protesting!” expressed an anti-protester. “Don’t these people have anything else to do? Why aren’t they at work? They should be contributing this to society instead of doing all this protesting! That’s what I’m upset about!”

The television cable news media does a fine job of covering the protesting protesters. The anti-protesters protest that cable news doesn’t seem to recognize the anti-protester protesting the protesters. In some places the anti-protesters are protesting the media covering the protesters but not paying attention to the anti-protesters.

“The crooked media spreading all this fake news and only showing the protesters is unfair to us anti-protesters! I had to take time off from my job to come here to tell these other people to get a job! Yet all I see on television’s coverage of the protesting protesters that don’t have jobs! There must be some way they’re getting paid! Someone has to be paying these jobless protesting protesters!”

A television executive stated, “We try to do our best to cover the protests. We have 24 hours of programming to fill. The protesting protesters are far more interesting, because they upset the anti-protesters. If the anti-protesters get into it with protesters, we’d rush to cover that in a second! We’d have a reporter in a miniskirt sitting in a chair describing that action! Our viewers would get angry! Our sponsors love that! It’s a win-win!” As for paying protesters or anti-protesters, the exec said, “Pay them? Don’t be ridiculous. We do our best to stir them up. We don’t have to pay them. It takes care of itself.”

“I know I’m not getting paid!” Said one of the protesting protesters.

“If there are professional protesters I haven’t seen any, and if I did, I would be protesting them!” Another protester exclaimed. “If anyone’s getting paid for protesting, it’s the corporate sponsored anti-protesters who want to silence us from protesting! They’re the only ones who can afford it! Most of us protesters are college kids and people who have low-paying jobs because we have arts and philosophy degrees!”

Most anti-protesters disagreed. “If they’d shave, get a suit and get a job they wouldn’t have time to be out here protesting! It looks like they have money for cigarettes and tattoos! If they put all of their energy into being productive they wouldn’t have time to be out here protesting!” Exclaimed an anti-protester.

“It’s unfair that the anti-protesters would want to punish us for protesting!” said a protester with dreadlocks and a Che Guevara T-shirt. “We are all equal! We live in the richest country in the history of the planet, which doesn’t have much time because of global warming by the way!” The protester continued “We all should be debt-free and nothing should cost anything! A Starbucks latte for five bucks? That’s ridiculous!”

The anti-protester protested “I’m not paying for anybody’s latte! This isn’t Canada or Sweden or any of those fruity European countries! If they want a goddamn latte, they should go to work for Starbucks. You don’t see Starbucks giving away stuff for free!”

It looks like the protesting protesters and the anti-protesting protesters will be protesting until the last protest has been protested.

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